About me
My background
I grew up as an only child in a very loving and wonderful family. Growing up I had little exposure to large families and learned that the “normal” family has about two children in it. Some families have three children, but families with four or more children are considered “large”. I also thought that in smaller families you could provide more for the children you do have. So when I got married, my mindset was to have two children.
I also grew up during the “post-pill” era when birth control became the norm. Nearly everyone used birth control during their lives. Most would use birth control before marriage and then stop to have a couple of children and then re-institute birth control to stop having children. Growing up in this climate I didn’t question whether it was right or wrong, because it was so prevalent.
My vasectomy
In 2000 I had my vasectomy. It was a horrible procedure. There was a lot of pain during it and I prayed non-stop just to make it through the pain. Afterwards I had chronic pain that came in waves and then would let up a bit. I now know that this is called “post-vasectomy syndrome” and is due to build up of sperm in the testicles with granuloma and inflammatory changes. I had to see a urologist several times for pain and swelling and even have a testicular ultrasound to rule out a tumor! Most of these problems were in the first year. The pain continued nearly daily, to a lesser extent though, until the reversal.
The beginning of repentance
In 2003, Misha and I were walking down the streets of Brown County, Indiana. She was looking at baby dolls and said, “I wanna baby”. I said, “Fine! Get a baby” And she said, “You don’t understand…I wanna baby.” And I said, “Misha it’s OK, I know they are expensive, but if you want one, buy one!” To which she said, “I WANT A BABY!” And I said, “You want a WHAT?!?!?!!?”
After that, the Lord began to work on my mind and I began to slowly see that I was selfish for wanting no more children when Misha did. I saw that children are a blessing from the Lord [Psalm 127:3] and I prayed that my heart would be changed to how HE wanted it. Eventually we decided upon adoption. The Lord blessed us with Lydia in February of 2004. You can read about our adoption story here. Then the Lord moved us into the sphere of influence of large families who did not use birth control. Some had 9 or 10 children. We both were mesmerized by their families and the blessings God had given them. We both began to see that for convenience and selfish reasons we had stopped our family. We had deprived ourselves of the rich blessing of many children and the promise of a future with many many grandchildren. We had traded family for present day “freedom” to do what we “wanted”. God’s first command to the family was to be fruitful and to multiply. No other principle or example in Scripture can be found to undue that command to the family. Yes, there are some who will renounce marriage [and the children that usually come with marriage] for missions work. There are some who cannot have children. But the normal plan for the family is fruitfulness. We couldn’t see that because we were blinded by our own desires.